Relationship Standards
As a single person, have you ever felt like your standards were unattainable? I have felt that way so many times. I have people directly and indirectly insinuate that I probably will live and die alone, and honestly this part scares a part of me.
I have always had standards about romantic relationships mainly because I grew up seeing so many examples of things I would never want to experience (horrible things by the way). From a young age, I already knew the things I couldn’t do or tolerate from a man. Crazy right? This affected the course of my relationships because unlike my peers during teenage and adolescent years, I had no interest whatsoever in romantic relations with a boy. Did I have crushes? Yes, very intense ones in fact. But I never considered the idea of a boyfriend at that age. Highest I did was crush. In my head at that time, I felt teenage relationships were pointless and would still end anyway so what was the point? As a teenager, I was craving the forever kind of love and I knew no teenage boy could give me that (chuckles) and coupled with the fact that my crushes never really liked me back as at when I wanted them to. They always started liking me when I was over them, maybe if they had liked me back just at the right time, I would have considered teenage dating, just maybe.
Growing up into an adult, my standards grew stronger and if you ask me, I think these standards are mostly reasonable. I have red flags that when I see, I would not even entertain. I would see young adults blindly commit and dedicate their lives to a young guy who was a walking red flag and I wondered how easily they did so. I could not just commit to anybody, no matter how I liked them, I had to be sure they were good for me and would treat me right. I was so picky (although at the end of the day most times, I would still end up picking rubbish). Till today, I see people waltz in and out of relationships and I wonder how they do it. How are you able to easily commit to people?
My standards made me reject a lot of people and I remember one of them out of spite, told me I would forever be alone( I wouldn’t blame him though, I would have been pained too).
I have standards because I’ve seen the monsters that terrible relationships have made out of people and I fully intend to avoid that. I see a bad sign and I take it for what it is, I do not even wait to try or experiment, I flee.
Sometimes I try to work it out but if the situation proves hard to work out, I leave. I always leave when I can.
I have heard people say “no one is perfect” and of course I agree that no body is an embodiment of perfection but I can never use that as a reason to compromise on the basics.
I refuse to “no-one-is-perfect” myself into a relationship that will obviously end in doom by the signs of it. Imperfections should never be in the primary things. If so, it definitely and intentionally has to be worked on.
You have comprehension and communication issues? I’m out.
You get verbally abusive when you’re angry? I’m out.
You have wandering eyes? I’m out.
You lack emotional intelligence and maturity? I flee.
Different moral and spiritual standards? I’m out.
These are things I call standards. They are important factors that sustains and makes up a healthy relationship. Is it too much to ask for these things?
Could these things be regarded as unattainable?
